The Finchel Toxicity Guide

Rachel and Puck have known each other for most of their lives. The Jewish population of Lima only numbers around 40 or so and that’s including them and their families so there’s only one temple and they’re the same age so they’ve always been around one another. They weren’t really friends so much, not like they would become in Glee Club but they were always there.

That’s why it took until “Mash Up” for Puck to realize that she was hot because in his mind she’s still that little girl that he use to make macaroni art with when they were little. That’s why she’s the only one that seems to call him Noah because she knew him before he was “Puck” and on some level that’s still how she sees him.

For the brief time they dated in “Mash Up”, he was secretly a lot more into her than he let on which is why he chose Glee over football even though she told him he didn’t have to.

Whenever Brittana have sleepovers (after the sexy times), they both struggle to stay awake longer than the other. Santana wants to stay awake because Brittany hums in her sleep and it’s just the cutest thing Brittany does, which is saying something. Brittany struggles to stay awake because when Santana falls asleep in Brittany’s arms she has this look of total peace on her face like she never has when she’s awake.

Santana almost always wakes up first because watching Brittany sleep is her single favorite thing in the whole world. Brittany has this whole elaborate, unconscious routine that she does when she’s waking up where she scrunches her face up and rubs the back of her hand across her nose then rolls her neck as she yawns. Santana’s watched her do it so many times she can count it down to the second how long it will take for Brittany’s eyes to open.

I know not all of you are familiar with every single detail about New York City and that’s fine, I don’t necessarily expect you to be, but if you are going to throw around NYC landmarks, please take ten minutes to Google these things to make sure you are doing it properly. Grand Central Station in New York is a post office, not a train station. You are either looking for Grand Central Terminal or Penn Station.

It’s a tiny nitpick, but it bugs the shit out of me.

Props

No Finchel interaction outside of Tina’s dream, so none that counts against them.

Total: Finn -563 Rachel -46 Finchel -609

Nationals

So through a series of events perpetrated entirely by people who are not Finn Hudson, Rachel essentially has a second chance to make a first impression on Carmen Thibodeaux at Nationals, she’s given a daunting solo in the form of a Celine Dion song, so what does Finn think would be a great idea? Let’s put more pressure on Rachel by betting all of our honeymoon money on whether or not New Directions win Nationals. All of which would have been one thing if he’d just made the bet and never mentioned it to Rachel and then when they won say hey look what I did for us. It would still be a really shitty move and I’d have docked him five points for making executive decisions about their money without consulting her but since he did all that with the added bonus of putting yet more pressure on Rachel, -10 to Finn.

Pep talk number four of the episode comes with Finn telling Rachel “this is your moment” which I’m feeling charitable so I’ll give him +1 for that.

For the episode: Finn -9, Rachel 0

Total: Finn -572, Rachel -46 Finchel -618

Goodbye

Rachel and Finn are trying to pick chairs for their wedding… at school… for some reason. I’m pretty sure that short of huge celebrity weddings, you use the chairs that the venue supplies for you, but whatever, I’m in the home stretch here, so I’m not getting into that. Finn doesn’t want to pay more for a bunch of chairs that people are going to use for a couple of hours at most, which I entirely agree with. Rachel complains about have to compromise about every aspect of the wedding. -1 to Rachel because well, marriage, compromise. Then Finn makes the ridiculous leap from her not wanting to use uncomfortable chairs to not wanting to marry him, which what the fuck? I don’t know, I mean, I guess I can kind of get there what with her stalling out their last attempt at getting married, but Finn, dude, that’s just because she’s painfully in love with Quinn and nothing to do with you he’s once again playing the victim and forcing Rachel to coddle his little boy feelings. -1 to Finn.

Per their three way pinky swear, Finn, Kurt, and Rachel meet in the choir room to open their college letters together, Furt are rejected but Rachel isn’t. Immediately after the commercial break we hear her voice over that she’s deferring enrollment for a year until she can bring Finn and Kurt along with her. So after the unwitting team of Quinn, Santana, Tina, Shue, and Jesse manage to re-ignite her Broadway dreams that crashed so hard just a couple of episodes ago and devastated her so fucking much, she’s right back to putting them off for Finn. -10 to Rachel at this point for never learning her goddamn lesson.

And finally the car scene, Rachel thinks they’re driving to their wedding but Finn drives her to the train station where she’s booked on a train to New York. Finn breaks up with her and tells her that she cannot put off New York anymore. He’s joining the army so she has no reason to wait for him. Then she’s marched through all of her friends and onto the train bound for New York. So as far as rating this, I’m glad that Finn has a plan for his future that isn’t entirely centered around Rachel. I think the army will be good for Finn, if they actually stick with it next season. I even respect his decision to not tell Rachel about his joining up until the last minute so that she couldn’t talk him out of it. He’s not exactly the most strong willed person in the world and presumably he knows that about himself.

Now here’s what I don’t like, he breaks up with her and then immediately strong arms her onto a train so that she can spend the next ten hours miserable and alone and upset about just being dumped by her fiance out of the clear blue. -10 to Finn. I’d be upset about the manner in which he breaks up with her, but I honestly, at this point, can’t bring myself to care. They broke up. Hopefully for good but probably not.

For the episode: Finn -11 Rachel -11

Total: Finn -583, Rachel -57 Finchel -640

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a season finale that made me less interested in tuning in next season as this one. I honestly can’t think of a single one. I really like Props and Nationals both but Goodbye was just awful so much so that I can’t really even muster enough passion for a post-review rant.

Instead I’ll just say this, while I’ve not decided for certain whether or not I’m tuning in next year (leaning heavily towards not), I have decided that either way I’m not going to be doing this next year. It started as a way to amuse myself over a long weekend from work and quickly grew into my own personal masochistic form of torture. Maybe on the slight chance that the show’s quality markedly improves, I’ll come back to some form of episode reviews, but I wouldn’t count on it. Thanks to everyone for liking and reblogging and everyone that wrote in with questions and comments. I’m glad you enjoyed. Aside from the few weeks, I enjoyed doing it. Stay classy, Gleeks.

I’ve been re-watching it and the show has all these callbacks to previous episodes and previous seasons and I keep thinking how cool that is. Then I just remembered that that’s just called continuity, and then I kind of weep because of what Glee has done to me and to my expectations for TV shows.

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Dislikes: Finchel (I hope that’s obvious), Quick, Bartie (most of the time), Klaine, Kurtofsky, Wemma, Wolly, (the adult characters in general, really) g!p, were!p